Real me sucks

Today i am not feeling good. A sudden cloud of gloominess has surrounded me. It is because i have accidently found out the real me.I am not the considerate person that i thought i was. I thought i wasn't selfish, i thought..............pchh
It is really sad when u find out that u r not the person u thought u were all these days.

Today i went out to buy a 5 lt 'water can' and i had exactly 45 Rs which is the exact price of it. On the way to market i saw an old man begging and he really looked pathetic. At once i felt sorry for him but did nothing ,i just passed past him .Although i was not in a position to offer him a permanent help , i could have certainly helped him temporarily by giving some money i had. I cud have easily done that. But i didn't.Why?. My preference was more to the mineral water that i wanted so that i wudn't suffer from sorethroat or some kind of minor problem. Why didn't i think from the other person's position where getting something(hygenic or not ,doesn't matter) to eat is of utmost importance. There was no hard and fast rule that i had to take 5 lt, i cud have given him some money and settle for 1 lt or 500 ml.Or i cud have given him enough money,go back to my room get 45 Rs and buy my 5 lt. But i did none of the above . It is another story that i felt guilty abt it,and the shopkeeper had no 5 lt cans with him ,so on my way back i gave the old man some money.The good thing was that ,atleast i didnot think of how much i shud give him- 5,10,15 or 20 .Nothing. I just put my hands into my pocket and gave him whatever came out.

Anyway the point is that why didn't i help him in the first place. We have many good ideas within us. we feel like helping the poor. we talk about giving love to the unpriviledged.We feel emotional when we see some movies and decide to help,do something to the society etc,etc....... But are we ready to do what we intended to do when faced with reality?
I am sorry if i am generalizing this but this is what i found out in me today,and many around me in general. We give importance to little things which are absolutely unneccesary and ignore our duties towards the society.....

We complain about education system,We complain abt political system,this and that, we complain complain complain. We sometimes even say "enough of complaining,lets do something to the country on our own,lets make a difference,blah blah blah...." and sure enough some of ideas are really good but when it comes to implementation--- how many of us really do?


Atleast i thought i wud but .......I am sorry ,i am not what i thought i am.......... Hope atleast u are what u think u are.

ps: i am sorry if u find this post meaningless ,it is just that i am thinking many things at the same time and also i am confused abt who i really am.